For anyone who has been following the life and times of Long Gone Loser (aka Me), you’re no doubt familiar with a few things that have become a staple part of my life: 1) I listen to a lot of music. 2) I love Japan. 3) I have far too much time on my hands and therefore spend countless hours scouring the shelves of JB Hi-Fi looking for new trashy films to watch. This brings us to a lovely review of a film that mixes my love for Japan, trashy horror films, and hot Japanese girls all together in one instant classic film. And why not? Exactly. The Machine Girl (Directed by Noboru Iguchi) was one of those movies that stood out to me from the shelves. The cover just looked awesome. So awesome in fact that I need to find a poster of this for my office wall… but I digress. I grabbed the DVD off the shelf and flipped it over to read the blurb on the back. Immediately I was taken in. All points were checked and the $12.95 price tag was just perfect. So tonight I decided to sit back and watch The Machine Girl; a movie about a school girl named Ami Hyuga whose brother, Yu, gets killed by Sho Kimura (played by Nobuhiro Nishihara), the son of a Yakuza boss. Yu gets mixed up in some dodgy scheme or something and owes money. Why? I don’t know. It’s never explained. But it doesn’t matter cos Ami (played by the extremely cute Minase Yashiro) goes on a trail of revenge, carving up anyone who gets in her way and that’s fine by me. I guess I’m easily pleased.

The film kicks off with a huge bloodbath as the credits roll and we see Ami destroy and brutalise some bullies. It immediately hooks you in, that is, if you like slice and dice bloodbaths and enjoy watching a hot Japanese girl with a machine gun for her arm destroy and mutilate the bodies of her enemies. And I do. Ami teams up with Miki (played by the uber hot Asami), the mother of Yu’s best friend, Takeshi, and together they take on the Yakuza armed with a chainsaw, guns, swords, the whole deal. What you get is a complete rampage of blood and guts as the 2 Japanese babes become slashers and slice up a limb flyin’ gorefest as they fight towards victory. You excited yet? You should be. This is Japanese wackyness at its best.

Sure, at times the effects are a bit over the top but for this type of movie, you just have to suspend disbelief and just accept it for what it is: A hell of a good time! Sure, there are people who will be quick to scream “Planet Terror!” but you know what? The USA has stolen so much from Asia that I guess it’s payback time, even though this film has no zombies and the gun sits on her arm, not her leg (although Miki uses a chainsaw on her leg… but still, it’s different). The fight scenes are completely brutal and at times ridiculous but it’s welcomed due to the film’s style and idiom that is used throughout.

Now without spoiling the movie by revealing the entire plot, I shall say that this movie is heaps enjoyable. Director Iguchi has made a film that I wish I had made. It’s funny, it’s over the top, it’s horrific, it’s silly, it’s gory, it has hot Japanese babes including one wearing a drill bra (think about it), there’s Sushi fingers, and finally, it’s non-stop action from the opening credits til the final showdown. Oh, and it even pays homage to the classic film from 1977, “Master Of The Flying Guillotine” which was most awesome to see acknowledged. Everything about this film made me love Japan even more than I already do. If you are into cult films, or you just simply want to watch something that differs from the tripe coming out of the USA, then this will suit your lonely dateless Friday night just fine. I loved it and would even go as far to say that it is highly recommended viewing.

Watch the trailer here:

  1. Shirley says:

    Good day! Thanks for sharing. I will bookmark your website.

  2. Just happened upon your article and will certainly have a look at other ones. Looks like seriously great stuff.

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